In the Morning. . .

What does 7:00 AM mean?

10 years ago: ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz. . .

7 years ago: Did I really just go to bed 3 hours ago? Oh, well, better get ready to go to class.

3 years ago: Man, gotta shower, how much time till work?

1 year ago: These cute kids are cutting into my beauty sleep.

Today: Sweet, I was actually able to use the treadmill and get a shower before the kids are up.

Disclaimer: Actions represented in the "Today" section may or may not happen everyday. Subject to multiple conditions and actual comfort of bed.

So, now I'm curious as to what the future will bring to me at 7 in the morning.

Purpose

We have been having a lot of rain lately. I am a lover of the rain. It is fresh and pure, and can bring a "newness" to the world. But when you have 2 kids romping inside all day, it can be a bit burdensome. Typically it has made me feel a bit soggy, and hoping that it would clear up. That is, until I planted my garden.



Suddenly the rain played an important role in my endeavor. No longer was it an invisible wall to our fun, it was now a necessary enrichment to the little plants I am hoping to benefit from in the future. I have not needed to provide water for my little tomatoes, they have been naturally nourished, as it should be.



This experience has made me wonder-- what else in my life am I feeling "burdened" by, that I have really just neglected to find its purpose. What am I putting up with, that I could actually find value in. I think it can be metaphor to any adversity we face. Are we just "enduring", or do we find the value of the experience while we are still in it. And that's when I began to see, a different kind of newness that the rain can provide.

Dear (month of) April,

Remember when you represented birds singing, flowers blooming, beautiful pastels, and the ushering in of warm weather and sandals. Please return to that.

Signed,
Usually love the snow, but this is getting old

Creativity Burnout

Being a mom has really shown me a new way of living in real life. To maintain sanity, sometimes you have to be a little creative. Now to my credit, I have been a school teacher, so I know how to make mundane things seem interesting. This skill has come in very helpful as a mom. For example:

Not Creative: Lucy, stop!
Creative: Lucy, I can tell you are going to be a good soccer player, but please don't kick your brother's head.

Not Creative: What the. . gross!
Creative: Grant, thanks for helping us get our money's worth out of these diapers by filling them to maximum capacity.

Not Creative: Lucy, get your clothes on, NOW!
Creative: Lucy, let's use some of that energy and you can bunny hop right into your pants here.

Not Creative: C'mon, buddy!
Creative: Grant, it sure is fun to find your Cheerio landmines on the ground- that explosive crunch keeps me on my toes!

If you have ever read the book "Just Go to Bed" by Mercer Mayer, I think he portrays it very well. Here the dad is trying to be patient and creative with his little Critter, but by the end he's having a bit of creativity burnout.

This is why I think moms have a creativity outlet of their own. Whether its scrap booking, crafting, cooking, blogging, running, preschool, or whatever else, they just need something to refuel their creative juices after being squeezed dry during the hours. So whatever it may be for you- carry on faithful soldier- and make it a good one!

Home Accessories

Soooooo, do you ever wonder if sometimes you are the one who owns the children's furniture. . .


. . . or that they actually own you?


This isn't what I anticipated when I planned out my home decor.

Oh well, I am sure it is just a phase that will pass,

in like 10 more years.

I think it was stated best by an actor in the TV Show "Men of a Certain Age" who once said, "One day you wake up and your tripping over tricycles and your house smells like poo." You said it, buddy!

My Wardrobe

My sweet mother in law took me for a well needed clothes shopping trip for Christmas. It did however, make me realize the evolution of my wardrobe in the past 5 years.

Remember when I had the professional desk job at UVSC? Yep, that was me- fun, stylish, current. I matched my shoes to my bag, and had several to choose from (both shoes and bags.) I was embellished in scarves, dangling earrings, and bracelets and had no problem with those darling 4 inch strappy heels around the office. My hair was always coiffed into an elegant or sassy 'do, I loved perfume and Clinique products, and was willing to try a new fashion just for the hey of it. Loved it.




Enter my school teaching years. Well, I still tried to stay fashionable, but due to the excessive amounts of bending, kneeling and walking, walking, walking, I had to trade in the high heels for conservative "teacher shoes." Oh, I got the cutest ones I could find, but when you are hauling a ginormous bag of math papers and spelling lists in addition to your computer, purse, lunch, and any other scholastic project at hand, you just have to give a bit. By this time I felt pretty set for the day if I had earrings AND a necklace on. Not to mention that I now had 1 child and my lack of energy was apparent in my limited hairstyles.



Then I became. . .the PE teacher, nay a PREGNANT PE teacher. Don't get me wrong, it was a pretty sweet gig for a pregnant lady, but I couldn't put on my stinky sneakers and ratty ole' workout clothes for the kids. So I was once again lead to purchasing a new wardrobe. This was tricky- I couldn't wear the same thing every day, but getting huge workout clothing is kind of an oxymoron. Thanks to Danskin, I was able to get some decent pieces, within my size range (fortunately I don't get too huge during pregnancy) and was able to be "presentable" day by day. Oh, I did wear my stinky old sneakers by the way and my hair specialty this time--long bangs and a ponytail. (um, sorry, I couldn't find a picture of me teaching soccer in a mu-mu.)




Okay, so now I have arrived at: Stay at Home mom. The phrase along can conjure a wide array of images that we all know too well. For me it turned into the mismatched, leftover, overused, underutilized outfits of yesteryear. I am trying to reinvent my style while still being frugal and functional. By now I have two categories of outfits: 1)Going out of the house and 2) Staying in. I think it's self explanatory. Although I do now have a little more time for hairstyles and jewelry, my focus is on purchasing anything that will survive spit-up on one shoulder and boogies on the other. 2 words: Machine Washable.

So needless to say, thanks for the clothes, Robyn.

An Ode to Sleep

Ah, sleep. I could write volumes on the many aspects of how it has affected my life.

I could discuss how I miss it, especially now having two kids with irregular sleeping habits. I don't think I have ever felt "caught up" on my sleep since I turned 12.
I remember how I used to have a Sunday nap ritual; snuggled in my bed, regardless of the season, and slumbering in my down comforter until Sunday dinner would wake me.

I love sleeping in Royal's arms, he's so comfy and I feel super protected.
Nowadays sleep is something that I plan into my day. Not just for myself, but for naptime (at least for Grant as Lucy has refused to nap anymore.) And oh the joy of having 2 kids asleep at the same time. I almost don't know what to do once it happens.

But the two items I wanted to share are these:
1) Lucy's Magical Adventures in Sleeping. This is my daughter. She is a wild sleeper.
When I was little my mom told me I curled into a ball like a kitten when I slept. This is NOT Lucy. She randomly flails about in her sleep like an epileptic octopus. She also migrates. It is common when we check on her to find her OUT of her bed. Once I found her wedged between the two sidebars that are 2 1/2 feet apart. She doesn't seem to be too affected by it as she can sleep through the movement and the relocation each night. What a sweetie.

2) Putting a baby to sleep. Have you ever noticed how rewarding it is to get a baby to sleep? That whole expression of "sleeping like a baby" is something I truly wish I could achieve.
When you have the ability to hold and rock a sweet little thing to sleep, and to see the peace in their face; its inspiring. It's as if they are saying, "I Trust You." I love to smell their little hair and kiss their soft foreheads and let them touch my cheek. I try to take a couple selfish holds and hugs from my sleeping babies, just to feel a bit of heaven. It will always be one of my favorite things of motherhood.

I Get to be the One

It's 5:45 AM. A small distant voice in the darkness says, "Mom?" I get up to comfort my darling little Lucy. I have found that being home has evoked an amazing awareness of the needs of my children.

When I was working, I felt like my relationship with Lucy was so objective-based. "We need to hurry and get dressed/ get dinner made/ get ready for bed/ clean up the house. . ." whatever else it was. It was so sad because I felt, especially when I was pregnant with Grant, that I was wasting the better part of me on the kids at school, and Lucy was left with the tired, impatient, and less tolerant version of me.



Consequently I found myself carrying a bit of that over when I was able to stay home with them. And that's when it hit me, "Is THIS how I want my children to remember me as a mother?" Am I fostering an atmosphere where they feel loved, not just taken care of? Important, not just visible? Understood, not just tolerated? My heart ached for the times that I rushed through things, rather than appreciated the moment that I had.

I hear the phrase, "Hold Me Please, Mama" at least 25 times a day from Lucy. Any mother knows it would not be realistic to pick up your child every time that they request it. But I have started to change what I am doing. I used to say that I will hold her after I finish these 5 dishes, but what happens is I rationalize and say, that I need to clean the counters, and then I need to wipe the table, but then I need to take out the garbage. . etc. And after a while, she is either clinging to my leg or has moved on to something else. This is very difficult for me. I am the kind of person that cannot relax if there is a sink of dirty dishes or my house is a mess.

I am really trying to change that. I have come to appreciate that I GET TO BE THE ONE she wants. If I don't enjoy the time with her now, I am going to miss out on it. I keep telling myself- she is only two years old, RIGHT NOW. She won't always want you to HOLD HER.


And so it is the same with Grant. He is such a sweet and content little baby. Because of that I find myself saying that he is fine scooting around the ground curiously looking at things, and I can get these things done. He is already 7 months, and I feel that they have gone by about 3 times faster than when Lucy reached that point. I don't want to miss anything because things were "content." I have immense gratitude for the opportunity I have had to stay home with them. But mostly, I feel grateful that I get to be the mom.



















I get to be the one to comfort them. I can make the hurt, the hunger, the fear go away.




Do I have any special skills for this? No, I just get to be there with them. I get to be the one who wakes up and walks mechanically to Grant's crib to feed him in the night. I get to be the one to hear silly songs and play Hide it and read books with. I get to be the one that gets drooled on and cried to and laughed with and everything in between. I get to be, so I find I want to be more. My heart just bursts when I think about how special and wonderful they are, and that they are mine.


I know that it will always be worth it, and I know, that I'm gonna miss it when it's gone. I just have to remember, I GET TO BE THE ONE for that voice in the dark.