The Neverending Cycle

Dear Da'nelle,
In behalf of all of your home flooring, I would like to thank you for mopping me (about) once a week. Even if it only stays in that condition for a matter of hours. It could sadly even be measured in minutes. Anyways, thanks for trying.

Sincerely, Your kitchen floor

P.S. The bathrooms would like to speak with you next

My Wardrobe

My sweet mother in law took me for a well needed clothes shopping trip for Christmas. It did however, make me realize the evolution of my wardrobe in the past 5 years.

Remember when I had the professional desk job at UVSC? Yep, that was me- fun, stylish, current. I matched my shoes to my bag, and had several to choose from (both shoes and bags.) I was embellished in scarves, dangling earrings, and bracelets and had no problem with those darling 4 inch strappy heels around the office. My hair was always coiffed into an elegant or sassy 'do, I loved perfume and Clinique products, and was willing to try a new fashion just for the hey of it. Loved it.




Enter my school teaching years. Well, I still tried to stay fashionable, but due to the excessive amounts of bending, kneeling and walking, walking, walking, I had to trade in the high heels for conservative "teacher shoes." Oh, I got the cutest ones I could find, but when you are hauling a ginormous bag of math papers and spelling lists in addition to your computer, purse, lunch, and any other scholastic project at hand, you just have to give a bit. By this time I felt pretty set for the day if I had earrings AND a necklace on. Not to mention that I now had 1 child and my lack of energy was apparent in my limited hairstyles.



Then I became. . .the PE teacher, nay a PREGNANT PE teacher. Don't get me wrong, it was a pretty sweet gig for a pregnant lady, but I couldn't put on my stinky sneakers and ratty ole' workout clothes for the kids. So I was once again lead to purchasing a new wardrobe. This was tricky- I couldn't wear the same thing every day, but getting huge workout clothing is kind of an oxymoron. Thanks to Danskin, I was able to get some decent pieces, within my size range (fortunately I don't get too huge during pregnancy) and was able to be "presentable" day by day. Oh, I did wear my stinky old sneakers by the way and my hair specialty this time--long bangs and a ponytail. (um, sorry, I couldn't find a picture of me teaching soccer in a mu-mu.)




Okay, so now I have arrived at: Stay at Home mom. The phrase along can conjure a wide array of images that we all know too well. For me it turned into the mismatched, leftover, overused, underutilized outfits of yesteryear. I am trying to reinvent my style while still being frugal and functional. By now I have two categories of outfits: 1)Going out of the house and 2) Staying in. I think it's self explanatory. Although I do now have a little more time for hairstyles and jewelry, my focus is on purchasing anything that will survive spit-up on one shoulder and boogies on the other. 2 words: Machine Washable.

So needless to say, thanks for the clothes, Robyn.

I Get to be the One

It's 5:45 AM. A small distant voice in the darkness says, "Mom?" I get up to comfort my darling little Lucy. I have found that being home has evoked an amazing awareness of the needs of my children.

When I was working, I felt like my relationship with Lucy was so objective-based. "We need to hurry and get dressed/ get dinner made/ get ready for bed/ clean up the house. . ." whatever else it was. It was so sad because I felt, especially when I was pregnant with Grant, that I was wasting the better part of me on the kids at school, and Lucy was left with the tired, impatient, and less tolerant version of me.



Consequently I found myself carrying a bit of that over when I was able to stay home with them. And that's when it hit me, "Is THIS how I want my children to remember me as a mother?" Am I fostering an atmosphere where they feel loved, not just taken care of? Important, not just visible? Understood, not just tolerated? My heart ached for the times that I rushed through things, rather than appreciated the moment that I had.

I hear the phrase, "Hold Me Please, Mama" at least 25 times a day from Lucy. Any mother knows it would not be realistic to pick up your child every time that they request it. But I have started to change what I am doing. I used to say that I will hold her after I finish these 5 dishes, but what happens is I rationalize and say, that I need to clean the counters, and then I need to wipe the table, but then I need to take out the garbage. . etc. And after a while, she is either clinging to my leg or has moved on to something else. This is very difficult for me. I am the kind of person that cannot relax if there is a sink of dirty dishes or my house is a mess.

I am really trying to change that. I have come to appreciate that I GET TO BE THE ONE she wants. If I don't enjoy the time with her now, I am going to miss out on it. I keep telling myself- she is only two years old, RIGHT NOW. She won't always want you to HOLD HER.


And so it is the same with Grant. He is such a sweet and content little baby. Because of that I find myself saying that he is fine scooting around the ground curiously looking at things, and I can get these things done. He is already 7 months, and I feel that they have gone by about 3 times faster than when Lucy reached that point. I don't want to miss anything because things were "content." I have immense gratitude for the opportunity I have had to stay home with them. But mostly, I feel grateful that I get to be the mom.



















I get to be the one to comfort them. I can make the hurt, the hunger, the fear go away.




Do I have any special skills for this? No, I just get to be there with them. I get to be the one who wakes up and walks mechanically to Grant's crib to feed him in the night. I get to be the one to hear silly songs and play Hide it and read books with. I get to be the one that gets drooled on and cried to and laughed with and everything in between. I get to be, so I find I want to be more. My heart just bursts when I think about how special and wonderful they are, and that they are mine.


I know that it will always be worth it, and I know, that I'm gonna miss it when it's gone. I just have to remember, I GET TO BE THE ONE for that voice in the dark.

Look at me--I'm Mormon-y!

I am happy to announce that I am unemployed! I understand that most people would not be so enthused about this type of announcement, but I am thrilled to join the ranks of Mormon moms (Mor-moms) as a stay at home mom. To celebrate, I mopped the floor on my hands and knees and vacuumed wearing pearls and high heels.

Although it was pretty hard to give up the job as the pregnant P.E. teacher, I decided to let my legacy live on in the lives of the children I bossed around for 4 years. And, thanks to 2 of my former employers, I have some work opportunities that I can do at home to help bridge the gap.

Which leads me to my insight of this whole blog. When we were deciding if I would be teaching again this year, I would talk about it with fellow Mor-moms and neighbors. They always give those "It's a tough choice" comments, knowing that it is a personal decision each family has to make. However, as soon as we decided that I would stay home with our two darlings, I heard, "You made the right choice." We have really only been blessed because of it, and I am so happy to be here and now in this new adventure.